Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
