apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
