he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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