Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize