apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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