one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
