i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize