you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
