No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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