I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
