just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
