So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
