I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
