If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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