Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i permit you to call me
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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