Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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