wakey wakey hands off snakey
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Randomize
