You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
