I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Ketchup is God's man juice
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize