After last night, I could never be a politician.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
