awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
