D3 body, D1 cock
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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