i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
