she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
