Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
