you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
