FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
