it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
