The maid of honor just puked.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
