Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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