I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
