I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
