gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
