the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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