eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
