With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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