i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
