If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize