I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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