He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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