Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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