Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
