Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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