So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
