Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
