i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
