I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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