cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize