Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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