Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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