Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
