i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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