so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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