How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
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