Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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