So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
