This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
