Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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