5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
