Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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