Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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