I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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