the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
