I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
