I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
