He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize