i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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