Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
now i know why i became what i already was.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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