Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
