Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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