i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
