I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
