and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
zippers are such a cool invention
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize