he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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