TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
